Posts Tagged ‘saggy skin’

I don’t mean this cruelly to Cindy Crawford, I swear to God. I’m posting this because I LOVE her for wearing a bikini post childbirth and looking as utterly amazing as she does, and I also love her for reminding me that most people (paparazzi aside) don’t give two hoots what other people look like on the beach and won’t be looking. Not that I’m going on holiday, but you know, for future times when I think ‘I wish I could wear a bikini and didn’t have a mummy tummy,’ I want to be able to look back at this and shout ‘sod it!’ at the world, before getting into something itsy bitsy and teeny weeny.

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Cindy, I salute you. You insanely gorgeous legend.

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There is one thing about having a baby that noone prepares you for, probably because if they tried you might be put off having children for life. Well, if you were really vain. Which I am.

At a hen weekend just recently I saw the stomach of a friend who had a baby a few months before I did and was gobsmacked. It was totally flat, smooth and beautiful, and didn’t look like it had ever been stretched beyond a light lunch. This is also what people like Miranda Kerr look like weeks after giving birth. I am trying to be kind but you can imagine the stream of expletives running through my head when I consider supermodels being on catwalks three minutes after popping out twins. Gah. Anyway, the thing to realise is that people like my friend with the flat stomach are not, by any means, the norm. She has always worked bloody hard at keeping in great shape, harder than I would probably ever be prepared to do. So I can’t begrudge her her beautiful stomach because she totally deserves it and was sensibly healthy before she ever got pregnant, waited till she was recovered and then got straight back to the gym. Her stomach barely stretched.

I, on the other hand, may now be a normal weight and passably attractive in clothes, but my God my body looks like a war zone when I get naked. I have tried explaining this to people who haven’t had children and they are sympathetic but honestly, until you’ve seen it for yourself, you’ve no idea. I wouldn’t quite go so far as to say I wouldn’t have had DD if I’d known what would happen to my body, but I’d definitely have lost the weight before getting pregnant instead of afterwards. I’m convinced that the better shape you’re in pre-pregnancy, the better your body will fare. And I was not in good shape. So although I’ve lost a shed load of weight, I’ve discovered that the downside of doing that is being left with stretched skin that used to have the job of holding in your innards, which when combined with the stretching it did to accommodate 8lbs of baby and a whole load of liquid can only leave it with nowhere to go. It has nothing to do with its days except, well, hang there. Limply. Looking a bit sad really. My tummy button is in there somewhere but God knows where; I think it’s hiding under folds of skin. The ‘pooch’ the lovely Jillian talks about splits into two not-so-delicate halves that are each making a bid for freedom, gravity helping out as only it can do. And finally, to add insult to literal injury, my skin is also covered in stretch marks, which are a side effect of pregnancy the lucky ones get (and remember that I didn’t actually gain that much weight in pregnancy!), overall giving my stomach the impression of a very old, wrinkly, saggy balloon that noone loves anymore and there’s no point in popping due to most of the air having seeped out.

Over the past month or so I’ve come to realise that, while for the first time in my adult life I have a reasonably flat stomach, it’s way too late for me to enjoy it in a bikini.

As I said, I’ve tried explaining this to friends but noone really gets it unless they’ve seen it. So, as this is fairly anonymous, and my friends who read it will be too kind to comment on it to my face, here it is in all its glory. Take heed good people: ‘GET HEALTHY BEFORE YOU HAVE A BABY.’

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