Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

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First off I must admit that my reason for going to see Copenhagen was unashamedly geeky: I have a massive crush on Geoffrey Streatfeild. I didn’t know the play at all and, although I did a little bit of reading before booking the tickets, I basically showed up with a totally open mind.

It opened on Wednesday and still felt a little buggy in places (it was today’s matinee I saw) but there was nothing to suggest the small cast were holding back for tonight’s performance-it’s a claustrophobic play, set largely in one room, with a cast of three and enough complex Physics for a few terms to be explained in the program but it felt suitably grand in scale and, cleverly, the audience (or I, at least) came out feeling that they understood the science that pins the plot together. (Basically, the making of the nuclear bomb. Yeah, I don’t actually know anything about it. My GCSE Physics teacher would be shocked I let my A grade go to waste.)

The cast is exceptionally strong. Geoffrey Streatfeild (in the first role I’ve seen him in for a while where he’s not been playing some kind of emotionally stunted nutcase-or at least, not a nutcase) was superb as Werner Heisenberg, a German Physicist struggling to come to terms with the power he seemingly has to provide Hitler with the atomic bomb and the consequences of his decisions. As the play unfolds it becomes clear that even his own memories of the war years, particularly the day in September 1941 in question, are fluid and difficult to pin down or make sense of. The truth alters depending on whose truth it is. Henry Goodman (always rather amazing) is Niels Bohr, a part Jewish Physicist in Copenhagen, and Heisenberg’s one time boss, mentor and friend, who has his own painful truths to confront about his involvement in Hiroshima. His wife, Margrethe is played by Barbara Flynn as a woman who has typed so many drafts of scientific papers for her husband that she has her own unique understanding of both men’s guilt and responsibility. The play is about the decisions made by the men but this is a fiercely independent woman who isn’t afraid to say what she thinks. (So many parts for women seem conceived purely to add another dimension to a male character and I was really pleased that this isn’t the case with Margrethe who more than holds her own.)

At the interval, by which point there has been a lot of soul searching and pacing, I was wondering where the second half could go in terms of tempo or plot, but the tension continues to rise and wane as the men circle around their friendships and shared past to some kind of uneasy understanding of how they’ve both acted under the pressure of World War Two, although the ‘why’ that is constantly asked is never really answered. Indeed, why we do what we do is the central theme of the play, and the impossibility of an answer is satisfying in itself.

If you can get to Sheffield then I’d definitely recommend Copenhagen. Go see!

(Oh and as for Mr Streatfeild, I was geeky enough to wait outside the stage door to try and get his autograph and then even geekier when he came out to meet some people I assume were his friends/family. He looked straight at me, I mangled a grotesque kind of smile and then DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. Asking someone for an autograph is one thing. Losing your nerve and standing there like an idiot without speaking is quite another. Aaaargh. Luckily DH thinks my school girl crush is hilarious so at least someone will see the funny side…)

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I can’t go to my weigh in this week as my weigh day is usually Tuesday and tomorrow we’ll be driving across the country to see my folks.  I was feeling a bit panicked about it and worried that I’d get off track if I didn’t see the scales going down, so I decided to take my measurements instead to help me stay focused.  (I also bought a pair of cords from Fat Face in a size 14 to cheer me up.  Three things I haven’t said for a while – I haven’t worn cords since the 90s, Fat Face possibly since the 80s and a size 14 since last year!)

So here are the results, 8 weeks (almost) to the day since I started WW:

Waist -16cm
Hips -11cm
Bust -11cm
Arms -3cm each
Thighs -6cm each

I am rather proud of that!  The cords I bought are also a little bit big – the 12s fit but not comfortably so I decided to buy the 14s and not kid myself about being a 12 yet.  But I am on my way!

Christmas was lovely; DD looked super cute in her little red dress (and obligatory humiliating photo of her inside her stocking) and everyone loved their presents.  DH did himself particularly proud in buying mine – I got Chanel no 17. Poudre (GORGEOUS), a load of Bobbi Brown goodies including their cream eyeshadow in Moonstone which I’ve wanted for ages, a beautiful cobalt blue coat from Monsoon and a kindle!  I never thought I’d want a kindle, being of the school of thought that books-are-works-of-art-that-smell-lovely-and-nothing-will-ever-beat-turning-the-page-and-it’s-a-crying-shame-that-computers-are-taking-over-the-world, but you know what?  Turns out it’s possible to love the real thing as well as the electronic version.  So far on it I’ve read Dark Matter, a pretty spooky ghost story by Michelle Paver, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake, a weird and wonderful story about a family with special ‘powers’ by Aimee Bender and some tripe by Sophie Crap-sella that was free.  I’m now reading Death Comes to Pemberley which is fantastic – I never thought P.D. James would pull off Austen’s voice but she really does and I’d thoroughly recommend it.  DH got an iPad from me and has, since staring at it open mouthed for a good ten minutes, pretty much ignored me ever since!  I feel like an iPad widow…

I’m now off to bed to have a bit of a read and get some sleep before our long haul tomorrow.

Oh, I almost forgot – DD has slept through the night for three nights in a row!  Please God let this become the norm…

I hope everyone’s had as merry a Christmas as we have!

 

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One of the hard things about being a fatty is that clothes can make you feel pretty crap about yourself.  The ones you have don’t fit, the ones you try on in shops seem designed to humiliate you by getting stuck over your head, the ones other people wear are always more beautiful and only ever going to fit a size 8…

I’ve spent the past 10 years or so amassing a collection of shoes that will always fit and a make up box to rival Lisa Eldrige’s.  (I expect.  I haven’t seen her make up kit.)  Make up has always made me happy.  When my bingo wings are grossing me out I can put on a gorgeous lipstick or smoky eye and feel instantly better.  My make up tends to always be a bit more dramatic than most people’s, mainly because I’d usually rather people look at my face than my body.

Lots of magazines do top 50 or top 100 lists of beauty products, often yearly, and I love browsing them for ideas – and to compile wishlists of course!  So here’s my own Best Buys for putting your face on.

Skin

I don’t tend to wear foundation (thank God my skin is ok – out of skin, body and hair it’s nice to have one that’s fairly consistently good!) but can’t live without concealer, specifically under-eye concealer.  There was a good 5 year period where I didn’t leave the house without it.  I’m not that vain anymore (and lets face it, with DD around I’m lucky if I brush my teeth in the morning) but I do love Bobbi Brown for all her concealing products.  Her corrector covers my (horrendous) dark circles brilliantly, and then concealer over the top to match my skin tone and a bit of powder means I’m set for the day.

Bobbi Brown Corrector

Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit

Eyes

The beauty of eye shadows and liners is of course that you can wear whatever colour you like, and different people suit different things.  So this is really more about quality than colour, and I do believe that you get what you pay for when it comes to most make up.  In my opinion, the best mascaras out there are by Dior and YSL, and no matter how many people have told me Maybelline’s are brilliant, I’ve tried them, and they don’t compare.  These are the two I rate:

Diorshow for brilliant volume, colour and no clumps

YSL Faux Cils for superb length and definition

For the best range of powder eye colours I always look to MAC and for neutrals to Bobbi Brown (again – I love her).  MAC do great empty palettes that you can fill with your choices from hundreds of colours.

MAC powder eye shadow

Bobbi Brown always has wonderful palettes that are expensive but worth it, in particular the special editions.

Bobbi Brown Cool Party Eye Palette

Personally I wouldn’t be fussed by the blues but the quality is always fabulous and I have 3 of the past palettes.  I looooove them.

For cream eye shadow again, I always go to Bobbi Brown or, more recently, Chanel.  Bobbi Brown’s long wear cream shadows and liners are brilliant and really do stay all day, or all night if you opt for the gorgeous metallic shades.  They blend very easily with a finger or brush and are very good value for money as they last forever.  The brushes are also very good and the liner brush is a must-have for me.

Bobbi Brown Metallic Long Wear Cream Shadow

Bobbi Brown Long Wear Gel Eyeliner - better than in its many imitators

Chanel’s Illusion d’Ombre cream shadows are things of beauty and I have them all.  I’m not embarassed either.  They’re worth every bloody penny.  They blend, they go on sheer, they build up easily, they work as liners, they stay all day, the colours are perfect, they’re am-aaaaa-zing.  With a long aaaa.

Chanel Illusion d'Ombre

For liners, not much beats the Bobbi Brown one above, but Urban Decay are fantastic for their pencil liners.  They’re really soft and blend beautifully and the colours are lovely too.

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil

Lips

Gloss, matte, stain – all personal choice.  I usually like a fairly sheer lipstick like Chanel’s Rouge Coco Shine, or a Smashbox gloss – I don’t know why Smashbox aren’t more popular in this country because they’re brilliant, professional products.  I tend to do dramatic eyes, hence the more low-key lips, but if I do want a strong lip I’ll go for a strong red from Chanel Allure.

Chanel Rouge Coco Shine (Boy is the BEST nude/pink shade out there)

Smashbox Lip Enhancing Gloss - gazillions of colours in a comfortable, non-sticky formulation

So there you have it.  I have about 40 lip colours and a good 100 eye shadows so this was a hard list to make, but now that DD is around I need to start using my collection up rather than consistently adding to it…DH may be happy about this!

I find make up shopping a bit like browsing in a sweet shop, so I guess there’s a good reason I love it so much.  It’s a wonder all overweight people aren’t make up obsessives!

(Oh, and 1lb off this week despite the coven’s visit – woo!)

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Inspired by a previous post I thought I’d take the opportunity to get down the many things about pregnancy, birth and early parenthood that noone tells you while you’re trying to conceive.  Not that they would necessarily put you off, but they can be a bit of a shock, and people deserve to know!

Pregnancy:

1.  It might take you a lot longer to get pregnant than you expected.  Years of teachers, health care professionals and magazines telling you that it only takes one ‘accident’ to get up-duffed mean that it can be a bit of a surprise when you work out that you’re actually only fertile for a couple of days a month, and you could quite easily do the deed every other day for six months and not get pregnant.  The chances are there’s nothing wrong with you: don’t panic.  If you’ve got to a year with no joy, go and see your GP.  But before you do that, read Toni Weschler’s ‘Taking Charge Of Your Fertility’ which will teach you more than you ever thought there was to know about cervical mucus and basal body temperatures.

2.  Skin tags will grow in the most unexpected places.  I got two on my neck and one right in the middle of my tummy button – it appeared when my tummy button popped out.  They might fall off after you’ve had the baby, which is pretty gross in itself, or they might not.  A GP can take them off for you.  Don’t accidentally scratch one off because it will hurt like hell.  (Bitter experience.)

3.  Your tummy button is likely to pop out.  If you’ve always had an inny, this is a bit weird.  It’ll probably go back in afterwards though.

4.  Stretchmarks affect different people differently.  I’ve read that how your body was affected as a teenager can suggest how you’ll be affected during pregnancy but I’m not sure how true this is.  I did get some as a teenager on my boobs and hips, but not particularly badly.  I was discussing pregnancy stretchmarks with a friend who’d recently had a baby and she said, ‘Oh they’re dreadful aren’t they?  Look at this!’  and revealed ONE stretchmark on ONE boob.  Well, my stomach looks like multiple traintracks going round a roundabout.  They start just by my tummy button and go round in circles all the way to my sides.  I mean my WHOLE stomach.  Also covered are my inner thighs right down to my knees, my hips right up my sides to about 6 inches under my arms, and my whole lower back.  I look like some kind of alien life form when naked.  I don’t love them, but as the weeks have passed I’ve come to hate them less.  They’re sort of battle scars.  Oh, and the Bio-oil/Cocoa Butter/blah blah blah crap that pregnancy magazines tell you to slather on are all rubbish.  (As are all pregnancy magazines.)  The only thing that worked for me at all was Neal’s Yard Mothers Balm (the lack of apostrophe is theirs – it drives me nuts), and all that did was make them slightly less angry.  If you’re going to get them, you’re going to get them.  (Your mother’s experience isn’t necessarily anything to go on either – my Mum remarked in surprise when she saw my stomach, ‘Oh gosh, I didn’t get ANY stretchmarks…’  Thanks, Mum.)

5.  While you’re pregnant perfect strangers will come up to you and touch your stomach without you asking, and they will probably make a comment about how huge/tiny you are.  It is perfectly ok to grope their boobs/other socially-unacceptable-to-touch-in-public places and make an offensive remark in return.

6.  The same strangers, plus your colleagues, friends of friends, etc, will tell you their birth horror story with utter glee, repeatedly.  It’s like they forget they’ve already scared you half to death, and need to repeat themselves over and over again for maximum enjoyment.  The best I had ended with the priceless line, ‘…and then I broke the stirrups!’  IGNORE them.  Yes, you need to be prepared, but you will be better off reading ‘What To Expect When You’re Expecting,’ going to a friendly ante-natal class and talking to a couple of close friends you trust (and your Mum).

7.  Your hair gets gorgeously glossy and thick while you’re pregnant.  Then it all falls out.  Well, not all of it, but the excess you didn’t shed while pregnant.  Enjoy your glorious barnet while you can.

8.  Pregnancy makes you very emotional.  You will cry at any charity advert that shows hungry or ill children, any story anyone tells you about babies, any celebrity who has a baby, any particularly manipulative advert such as the gorgeous John Lewis one, plus pretty much anything else to do with babies or children.  You will also cry at the news, because you can’t believe the world’s such a terrible place and you’re bringing a child into it.

9.  There will come a point where you can’t see your own legs to shave them, much less your toe nails to cut.  Make sure you’ve picked a good man to have a baby with because he’s going to get better acquainted with these areas than he might have been before.

Birth:

10.  In the actual moment of having your baby you will feel like you need to have a very big poo.  You don’t.  That’s your body wanting you to push (or doing it by itself in some cases).  And if you do poo on the table, which you might, you won’t notice, nobody will comment, and the midwife will have it whisked away in seconds.  Everybody panics about this but while you’re pushing out a 7 or 8 lb baby, you won’t care.  Honestly.

11.  Giving birth is an absolutely extraordinary feeling that you can’t possibly describe to someone who hasn’t done it.  It also hurts.  If you want to have pain relief, for God’s sake have it and don’t feel guilty.  If you don’t want it, don’t have it and don’t be bullied into having it.  If you don’t want it and then you change your mind and you do want it, don’t feel bad.  Your body, your choice.  There are no medals.

12.  Giving birth is also immensely personal.  Some people want their Mums plus partners plus second cousins there, some people want to be left alone with the midwife, some people want to be at home, in a pool, on top of a mountain, doing Hypnobirthing, having a c-section, whatever, wherever.  Do your research, make sure your choices are safe, and then stick with them and ignore the crap everyone gives you.

13.  In your hospital bag make sure that you have moist toilet tissue or, at the very least, a small jug to pour water over your bits while you wee.  Going to the loo after giving birth is not pleasant.  Going in the bath can help, if you can get over the grossness.  And for God’s sake eat a lot of fibre because you will think you’re going to die from constipation.

14.  Take a lot of food into the hospital with you.  The food in the post-natal ward will be hideous and you might not be up to going and foraging in a vending machine in the middle of the night.  However, as a back up, take a lot of change, well hidden.  You can always send your DH to the vending machine when you run out of nutri-grain bars.  You’ll probably also need it for parking, which is ludicrously expensive.

15.  Take a water bottle and a straw.  This will be useful during labour when you don’t have the energy to drink from a cup and later on the ward when you’re holding your baby and can’t reach the bedside table.

16.  Lochia can go on for up to about 6 weeks after you’ve given birth.  It’s far heavier than your heaviest ever period.  Sanitary pads are useless and you won’t be able to wear anything other than pyjama bottoms to cover up the fact that you’re using giant maternity pads.  Also, there will be clots.  You had a baby, so these aren’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but be prepared.  They will be gross.

17.  Tampons are likely to hurt for a long time.  Don’t try.  Don’t let your DH fixate on the magical ‘six week’ mark either.  Have sex when you’re ready, not before.  Be prepared for it to hurt – a lot – if your body’s not ready.  Be sensible.  (Edit:  DH would like a disclaimer in here that he didn’t ‘fixate’ on the six week mark!)

18.  You will still look six months pregnant for at least a week after giving birth, and for some people, considerably longer.  Don’t hit the man in the coffee shop who asks you when the baby’s due while you’re very obviously holding your newborn.  Smile sweetly and say, ‘I’ve already had her.’  Then walk away and try not to cry in public.

19.  It will hurt to sit down for a good week, if not two.  Longer if they’ve bodged your stitches.  Have a lot of baths, with salt if you can stand it.  It will hurt to walk too – don’t overdo it.

20.  If you tear or have an episiotomy you will have to have the stitches that will make it hard to sit down.  One friend asked me, ‘Did you have stitches?  Where?  Wait, I don’t want to know…’  Well, firstly, they’re not that big a deal at the time.  You’ll have anaesthetic and you’ll probably be holding your snuggly newborn which is quite a distraction.  If you’re lucky they’ll do them in the delivery room and you won’t have to go to theatre.  If you’ve torn you’ll have one of the following: 1st degree tear, which is just a little tear to the edge of your ‘where the baby comes out’.  2nd degree tear which is from there almost to ‘where your poo comes out’.  3rd degree tear which joins the two.  (Yes, really.)  Just be glad you’re not a poor African lady giving birth by herself in the bush – no medical care = no stitches = fecal incontinence = social exclusion and possible death.  Seriously, you’re lucky to have the NHS, no matter how much they may piss you off at other times.  Please excuse my coyness with language – I’m already getting spam comments and I imagine they’d get worse if I used anatomically correct vocab!

21.  Breastfeeding is natural, normal, lovely and best for your baby.  It may be easy, with baby latching on immediately after birth and feeding well.  It may also be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, and I’m including pushing out a baby in that.  If it’s agony or not happening, get help.  And if you use formula, don’t feel guilty.  As my DH put it after two weeks of me crying every time I tried (and failed) to feed DD, ‘it’s called parenting, not breastfeeding’.  Try and keep some perspective.  You are a mum no matter how you feed your baby.  And she won’t remember anyway.

Early parenthood:

22.  The touchy-feely-ness from the general public will carry on once you’ve had your baby, but people will want to touch the baby.  Again, feel free to tell them to fuck off in no uncertain terms.

23.  They will also tell you – constantly – what you’re doing wrong.  So far I’ve heard from passers by, ‘That baby needs a hat,’ ‘She’ll spoil that baby carrying it around all day,’ ‘Ooh, that’s a hungry cry,’ and many more.  They are not right.  You’re right.  It’s your baby.  Fuck em.

24.  You will get fed up with your family telling you how to raise your child.  Listen politely, thank them, take on board the bits that sound sensible, and then do what you want.

25.  Don’t be too proud to accept hand-me-down clothes, toys and baby equipment.  The baby market is as bad as the wedding market – there are a lot of vultures out there ready to tell you that your baby will DIE if you don’t spend £200 on the latest, snazziest, ugliest contraption they’re selling.  Your baby will probably decide her favourite toy is an old shoe and never look at said contraption.

26.  Babies grow FAST.  Newborn clothes are adorable and almost entirely a waste of time and money (unless you have a very little one).  I’d say at a push you need 6 newborn vests, 6 newborn sleepsuits with integrated scratchmitts (try Mothercare or Next), a cardigan, a hat and something warm for the pram.  They’ll be out of them within a few weeks and into 0-3 clothes, which will then last much longer.  Scratchmitts were designed to infuriate parents and invoke domestics.  They will fall off.  Instantly and repeatedly.  Similarly, sleepsuits without them built in are the devil’s work because they mean you need the bloody things.  Without them your baby will scratch her little face and probably yours too.  Throw them all out and get sleepsuits with them integrated.

27.  Slings are awesome.  The Moby wrap (try Amazon) was the only thing that sent DD to sleep for weeks.  They’re cheap (much, much cheaper than a pram), easy, don’t hurt your back and are an absolute godsend as they mean you have both hands free.  Don’t bother with papooses, babaslings and other rubbish on the market.  Just get a simple, stretchy fabric wrap and breathe a sigh of relief.  Lots of cities have sling libraries – go and try one out first if you’re not sure.

28.  You can survive on far, far less sleep than you thought you could.

29.  Sometimes you’ll be exhausted, furious, upset and terrified all at the same time.  You’ll shout at your partner, convince yourself you’re doing everything wrong, worry terribly and cry buckets.  (Baby blues are horrible but if you feel that it’s worse than feeling ‘blue’ then you should go to see your GP about potential post-natal depression.  Noone will take your baby away from you, they will just help you feel better.)  All parents struggle though, and if it’s not pnd but just (just!) sheer exhaustion you should try to tell yourself that this moment too will pass.

30.  The moment of looking at your teeny, beautiful, extraordinary baby and falling in love happens again and again.

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I’ve decided that as well as my 5% and 10% goals I’m going to buy a dress in a size 12 as an ‘in between’ goal.  Ultimately I’d like to be a size 10 (although admittedly my top half is unlikely to ever fit into a 10 properly without some serious intervention with an NHS scalpel) but I can see me fitting a 12 a lot more quickly, so hopefully this will provide some extra motivation.  I really, really love this dress from Monsoon.

Monsoon

It doesn’t look as beautiful in the picture as it does in real life – the embroidery is a very delicate silver and is absolutely stunning.  The only thing I’m not sure about is the lack of sleeves; I’ve always disliked my rather hefty upper arms and think they look better in a short sleeve.  But maybe rather than being a bad thing that will just motivate me to get to the gym!  I like the fact it has slightly more material around the waist too as I have a feeling that the Mummy-tummy may not be just a matter of weight; it’s going to take a huge amount of work to get rid of it I think and I might be reliant on Spanx for a while to come even when I get to goal.

I’ve been thinking about weight and why it’s such an emotive issue.  13st 10lbs, my starting weight on this journey, is almost certainly more than DH weighs.  He doesn’t know how much he weighs because he doesn’t really care – he eats what he likes and if he feels chunky he goes running.  As a result he’s got a perfectly healthy, trim body with very little effort indeed.  I, on the other hand, have a body which reflects over a decade of dieting then overeating, working out then slobbing around and generally never sticking to a healthy lifestyle for longer than a few months at a time.  The trouble is that when I’m not specifically making a habit of being healthy I go too far the other way and convince myself I ‘deserve a treat’ – ALL THE TIME.  It’s fine to have a chocolate bar when you fancy a sweet hit, but not if you do it every day, or do it after a three course lunch, or instead of dinner!  These things are so obvious it’s a marvel anyone ever gets fat.  Every other magazine in WH Smiths will tell you the blindingly obvious if you really are too stupid to work it out for yourself, and yet I and millions of other perfectly intelligent, rational people in this country essentially ignore common sense for the sake of instant gratification.

So often, of course, that instant gratification isn’t actually that gratifying.  I am the kind of person who will order a pudding because I’m still a bit peckish – and there’s nothing wrong with that – but will then get full half way through the sweet stodge I’ve ordered and continue eating until I’ve finished it anyway.  I might be sitting there complaining of feeling sick, but I will finish the pudding if it kills me.  Similarly, anything that comes in gravy or a sauce of any type just isn’t finished until I’ve practically licked the plate.  Why?!  For a start DH will sit there and cringe as I scrape the spoon around the edges (and yes, I have used a finger to get the last morsels up in the past – I’m not proud) and I’ll often feel my stomach turning at the thought of another drop of something overly rich, sweet or creamy.  But I just seem to be programmed to be greedy.

Noone likes to think of themselves as greedy – of course.  I did Weightwatchers several years ago, before I got married, and lost a couple of stone to get down to the 10st I now would like to be again.  It was hard but satisfying and I loved feeling fit and relatively slim.  I look at wedding photos now and can’t believe it’s me.  So why did I allow the scales to climb back up again?  Because, and I really think this is the key, greed’s evil twin sister is laziness.  There are people out there who are fat because they have genuine health issues, problems with their metabolism or their thyroid, psychological issues surrounding food resulting in eating disorders, etc.  I am not one of them.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with me.  I am just greedy for things that taste nice, and too lazy to counteract the effects of those things with smaller portions or some exercise.  I think I also have a bit of a thing about finishing what’s on the plate when I’ve paid for it – I feel I need to get my money’s worth.  Pretty nonsensical really – once you’ve paid, you’ve paid.

So my 13st 10lbs, a weight which fills me with horror because it makes me not only overweight but OBESE according to the lovely BMI charts, really is my own doing.  (According to those BMI charts I should weigh no more than 10st 10lbs.)  Yes, I had a baby, but I actually managed to do that very healthily.  I gained just under 2 stone and lost 1.5 stone within a week of her being born because it was mostly baby, fluid, placenta etc.  Fine.  I’m quite proud of that.  The rest of the weight, the ‘pre-existing flab’ as I’ve been referring to it, is entirely of my own making.  I’m lucky really; at 5ft 5 13st 10lbs could probably make me a size 18 or 20 if I had a different body shape but on me it’s a size 16, probably because of the afore-mentioned enormous breasts.  Thank God that underneath the flab I do actually have an hourglass figure.  It will look pretty good in that Monsoon dress I think – if I can get the greed under control and Zumba the laziness out of my bones.

 

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